


Fragile

by whiteocean



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Crying, Homophobia, M/M, Mild Smut, Relationship Problems, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteocean/pseuds/whiteocean
Summary: Hyunjin hates doing things halfway.





	Fragile

“Why every time I reach out for you, it feels like you’re slipping away from me?” Seungmin asks quietly, his expression sour as he presses Hyunjin against the wall, making sure that this time, he won’t be able to escape with a joke or an excuse. He can’t stand it anymore. It took him quite a lot of courage, to confront his lover like this, but he’s sick of being treated like a toy. Hyunjin comes to him whenever he feels like having sex, but he pushes him away when Seungmin wants something more than that. He belittles all his shows of affection, turning them into a joke, and _wow Minnie who’d have guessed you could be so mushy!_

 

It hurts.

 

Hyunjin's smile fades just for a split of a second, and he gives Seungmin a look that seems sad? Scared? He’s tense, like a cornered animal, his eyes darting around the room like he’s looking for an escape route.  But then– then he breathes out a sigh, and shrugs.

 

“I’ll tell you why,” he says, pushing him away. He walks up to the window – they fucked just a little while ago and he’s completely naked, and so breathtakingly beautiful it hurts to look at him – and props himself up on the windowsill, swinging his legs childishly as he grins at him. The smile is bright but it doesn’t reach his eyes; it’s one of those smiles Seungmin got used to seeing often ever since they started going out. “I don’t like doing things halfway.”

 

Seungmin stares at him, confused, and Hyunjin sighs and averts his eyes, looking over his shoulder and through the window at the night city scenery.

 

“You want to be with me now,” he says softly, the tone of his voice a little condescending, and it shouldn’t be right because Seungmin know he's the more mature one between them, but right now he just feels so lost. “But would you still want to be with me if your parents found out and hated you for it? Would you be with me if your friends found out and were disgusted with us?”

 

Seungmin frowns. The idea itself seems terrifying but it’s not what his relationship with Hyunjin is supposed to be about. They’re supposed to just– be happy, be together. They can be careful enough to keep it a secret.

 

“It won’t happen,” he replies quietly, wishing Hyunjin would just look him in the eye because he wants to understand, and he wants to make Hyunjin understand.

 

“Maybe it won’t. But what if it will? Or – what if I ask you to tell them? I don’t want to hide forever. And aside from that,” he lets out a quiet laugh, but it doesn’t sound like his usual joyful laughter; it sounds bitter, “you want children. And I – not only I don’t want any, I won’t be able to give you any. You’re an only son, you need a wife and kids, and I’m,“ he shrugs, “I’m just me. Not really a good wife material.”

 

The tone of his voice suggests a joke, but he’s not even smiling anymore; he looks tired. He falls quiet, his eyes glazed over as he fixes them on the city’s night lights, and Seungmin wants to say something– but he doesn’t know what, because Hyunjin is right. He does want children. He doesn’t especially want to get married, but he will have to, one day. But that day seems so far away, it's like it’s in a different lifetime. It won’t be him. It will be a different man, a mature man, one that’s ready to push his happiness away, to do what the society expects of him and finally fulfill his family responsibilities.

 

_It’s not me_ , he thinks desperately. _I won’t be myself anymore, when I leave you._

 

Even in his head, it sounds like a pathetic excuse.

 

“Hyunjin-“ he reaches out for him, but Hyunjin catches his wrist, the movement swift, startling him a little.

 

“You don’t really have anything nice to say, do you?” he asks, his expression serious, his eyes searching. Seungmin doesn’t know. Maybe he felt like just calling Hyunjin’s name would make things better, somehow. Or maybe he was ready to throw his future away, just because he doesn’t ever want to leave – to hurt – Hyunjin.

 

“Thought so,” Hyunjin nods. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me and my relationships aren’t meant to work out,” he shrugs and gives another laugh and Seungmin wishes he would stop, because he’s heard crying happier than his laughter.  He looks so vulnerable that Seungmin wants to hug him and console him and tell him that they’ll work it out somehow, but before he even manages to move a muscle, Hyunjin is putting that cold, detached grin on, again.

 

“It’s okay, Minnie. I hate doing things halfway, but I like you a quite lot so this time,” his voice catches a little and it’s the last hint of his real feelings Seungmin is granted with before he’s pulled closer, and Hyunjin throws his arms around his neck, “it’s fine. It’s fine this time.” He wraps his legs around Seungmin’s waist, pressing their bodies against each other, and he nibbles at his neck, making him shiver. Seungmin wants him so much, so much, but he still feels like it’s not the right time, like they still should talk because if they don’t do it now, it will be too late.

 

Hyunjin is going to slip away from him again.

 

He parts his lips to say something but he’s slow – why is he always so slow when it comes to explaining how he feels? – and Hyunjin speaks first, his breath washing over Seungmin’s skin as he brushes his lips against his collarbone.

 

“Fuck me again,” he says, and Seungmin wants to protest but Hyunjin’s embrace tightens, and there’s something desperate about it. “Let’s not talk, please.” His voice is shaky and he breathes in and out a few times against Seungmin’s shoulder, his fingers digging into Seungmin's back, like he's barely keeping himself together. Hyunjin cries easily, but now that Seungmin thinks, it's been a while since he last saw him cry. Has he been trying to hold it in around Seungmin? Does that mean he cries alone, when Seungmin is not around?

 

“Hyunjin-“ Seungmin tries again, but Hyunjin cuts him off.

 

“Can you hold me up long enough?” There’s a hint of challenge in his voice. “Fuck me against the wall.”

 

Seungmin’s hands slide down to Hyunjin's hips, gripping them firmly. “I can hold you up for as long as you want me to,” he says, hoping Hyunjin will understand, and he picks him up, Hyunjin clinging to him, limbs securely wrapped around his body. They’re so close, like this, and Hyunjin’s scent and the warmth of his body are too intoxicating. Seungmin feels his heart clench; he doesn’t want to let Hyunjin go, ever. But he will have to, won’t he?

 

He doesn’t plan on fucking Hyunjin against the wall, though; he carries him across the room to drop him on the bed. Hyunjin frowns – he doesn’t like having sex on Seungmin’s bed, always insisting the table, the sofa, or even the floor are more interesting – but Seungmin pins him down forcefully; he’s not going to give him a choice this time.

 

“Ooooh,” Hyunjin giggles. “I love it when you get like this.”

 

“Shut up,” Seungmin replies, glaring. Hyunjin just laughs again, so Seungmin leans down and kisses him, partly to make him stop, partly to just – feel him. The kiss is slow, deep, and passionate and Hyunjin relaxes into it, and as soon as Seungmin's grip on his wrists loosens a bit, he wraps his arms around him, arching up to press their bodies together, moaning into the kiss.

 

He knows Hyunjin likes it hard and fast, but he goes slow, kissing every inch of his skin, until he has him shaking and whimpering under him, countless whispers of Seungmin’s name spilling from his lips. Surprisingly, Hyunjin doesn’t urge him to go faster, and he allows Seungmin to do whatever he wants, at his own pace. Hyunjin is still relaxed from the last time, but Seungmin takes his time preparing him, his fingers slowly sliding in and out of his body, lightly brushing against his prostate, until Hyunjin finally loses his patience.

 

“Stop teasing, Minnie,” he gasps out, tugging at Seungmin’s hair. “I – ah – I need you inside.”

 

He’s unusually quiet as Seungmin slowly rocks into him, his breath shaky and uneven against Seungmin’s ear, only occasionally turning into a low moan as he digs his fingers into Seungmin’s back. Seungmin comes first, riding his orgasm out in sharp, deep thrusts, and it’s only when Hyunjin’s body tenses, muscles clenching around him repeatedly as he comes with a choked moan, pressing his face into the crook of Seungmin’s neck – it’s only then that Seungmin feels the wetness against his skin and he realizes Hyunjin has been crying.

 

It feels no better than being struck in the head with something heavy. Hyunjin is still hiding his face in his shoulder, so Seungmin moves to lie next to him, his hands shaking slightly as he reaches to wipe Hyunjin’s tears away. Even when he cries, he's so pretty. His face is pretty, and his heart is pretty, and Seungmin wishes he could make him happy. But he can't.

 

“Sorry,” Hyunjin says, voice thick and unsteady– but he still tries his best to smile through the tears, and seeing him like this hurts, it hurts. “That kind of ruins the mood.”

 

Seungmin shakes his head and he grabs Hyunjin’s arm and pulls him closer, embracing him tight. He wants to console him, but there’s a lump in his throat, and it feels like if he starts talking, he will end up crying as well. And it’s not like he knows what to say, anyway. Even if he tries reaching out to Hyunjin, the boy has built so many walls around him, he just won’t be able to meet him halfway. And he knows he’s as much to blame as the other people Hyunjin had been with. So he stays quiet, stroking Hyunjin’s hair, letting him cry himself to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry... I promise I love seungjin and I wanted to write them happily in love but then I wrote this instead


End file.
